"If forgiving your abuser puts you in danger of succumbing to their power, then don’t do it."

You actually can't forgive someone while they are in the act of wronging you. And you certainly can not forgive someone who isn't even aware of their wrong. That's not forgiveness, that's condoning.

And, not for nothing, the Bible preaches forgiveness for those who ask for forgiveness... not for those who commit wrong and don't even understand the wrong they have done. I beg you pardon for my forwardness, but it sounds like that's the situation you are in.

My mother calls herself a 'recovering rage-aholic.' She was mad at, among other things, my dads alcoholism and took it out in rage on him and me and my three brothers... and me and my three brothers, consequently took it out on one another and anybody else who got in our way. It was a spiral of rage and spite ended only when the alcohol caught up with my dad and killed him. Then there was a period where we all sorta 'sobered up' and said... 'oh...' My brothers and I haven't talked since then.

I talked with my mother when I had children of my own and was reluctant to deprive them of a grandmother (both their grandfathers had passed). I have expressed forgiveness after she expressed contrition and an understanding how abusively she had treated us, contributing to making a bad situation infinitely worse.

I have tried reaching out to my brothers, for the same reason, but they aren't having any of it. I expect that the next, likely the last time, I will see them is at my mothers funeral, some time in future.

Forgiveness is a little more complex than simple absolution.